Weekly Relationship Tip: What Men Want
Men Love SWANS Because They Are…
• Put together
• Able to contribute financially
• Likely to impress the friends and family
In my new book, Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love, I interviewed thousands of men nationwide to find out the answer to that enduring question: What do men want?
Three big things stood out in my research:
INTELLIGENCE “I drive myself intellectually and I think intelli¬gent women are the sexiest women alive. It’s very important to me that I marry a smart woman, but there are different types of intel¬ligence. I like the idea of a woman who is independent and who challenges me,” said Trevor, a venture capitalist who splits his time between California and Connecticut. “Guys who think they are in¬telligent and are secure in their success want women who are the same way.”
“I’m looking for someone who is deeply engaged in what she does,” said Josh, a 29-year-old California entrepreneur. “I’m at¬tracted to different types and kinds of women, but that engage¬ment would have to come from sharpness and intelligence. I want to be kept on my toes.”
SELF-CONFIDENCE Out at the local bar, Joseph, a 26-year-old lawyer from Iowa, and his buddies met two women. After chatting them up for a bit, the guys invited the girls out on a group date the following weekend and gave them several options. Would they like to go out for dinner, go to the opera, or join them back at the same bar to watch a college football game and get drunk starting at 9 a.m.? The women, trying to be polite, kept smiling and said all the options sounded good. “They were afraid to express an opinion and it was a real turn-off. Those are very different options! Be your¬self and tell us who that is!” said Joseph.
Men are looking for women who make assertions when they have opinions and who have their own options and plans, so they aren’t dependent on guys, report dating experts.
And the women that Joseph met had blown it. Indeed, according to my new data, 97 percent of single high-achieving men said they would like to marry a woman who is as conﬁdent as they perceive themselves to be or more.
AMBITION Kevin, a 27-year-old business school student in southern California, said that it’s a “huge turn-on” for a woman to be ambitious and driven. “Ambition in a woman tells me and my guy friends that she’s not so much interested in our ﬁnances. She’s looking for a good person, not a placeholder. Plus, if I’m ambitious and she’s ambitious, she’ll understand where I’m coming from.”
Kevin said he’d been watching a dating reality TV show called Hooking Up, where women are interviewed about their dating tech¬niques. “On the show, one girl is a doctor, but she says she’s a hair¬dresser when she goes out to bars. That’s a mistake. Being an MD is her best trait—and she should hype that. Be modest, but don’t ever try to hide the fact that you have big career aspirations. That’s sexy.”
In my survey, sixty-eight percent of single high-achieving men report that they would like to marry a woman who is as committed to her ca¬reer as they are to theirs. So if a man senses that a woman doesn’t have ambitions for the future, it might send the wrong message about why she’s on a date with him.
Happy hunting, SWANS…
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