Home of Dr. Christine B. Whelan

Weekly Relationship Tip: Get Over A Broken Heart

Why is it so hard for us to get over our past romantic hurts?

Often, without even knowing it, we base our self-worth on whether we’re in a relationship—and what that special someone thinks of us. So when the relationship ends, or our partner says the wrong thing, it’s double the pain. Plus, if you thought this person was your soulmate, you’re dealing with rejection from someone you thought was your one-and-only. But odds are there are many possible matches out there for you, so don’t despair.

Moving On, Moving Up

  1. Remember that before you can say “I love you” you’ve got to first learn how to say the “I.” Take a moment to get to know yourself, and be proud of who you are. This will help you get over the hurt—and get you back on your feet fast so you can be open to meeting someone new.
  2. Purge the bad memories and troubling issues by getting out there and meeting new people – and not necessarily new dates, either: A new group of friends, a new activity or challenge will take your mind off of the recent past and help focus you on the exciting possibilities for the future.

Check that Baggagebroken-heart

If you don’t get rid of this old baggage, future romances can suffer: By hanging on to a lost love – and claiming that person was your only possible soulmate – you close the door to future happiness. Be strong and smart in your love life, just as you’d be in all your other endeavors. Remember: As we settle down later in life, we’ll date more people and have our heart broken more often. But it only has to work once, and the odds that marriage is in your future are great! Check out Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love for an odds-of-marriage calculator based on national Census data.

Some Final Advice

Before you can say “I love you” you’ve got to first learn how to say the “I,” so now is a great chance to take a step back and get to know who you are: Get comfortable with yourself, carry yourself with confidence and be optimistic about your goals for the future. Break that negative cycle and find love by first declaring the “I” — What am I looking for in a partner? What does success and happiness mean for me — and then finding the right match for a strong, successful you.


March 4, 2009 - Posted by | Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman's Guide to True Love, Relationship Tips


  1. Thanks so much for those words about break-ups…man, why do we always feel so rotten? Even if we know it’s the best thing!

    Comment by Enrique S. | September 24, 2009 | Reply



    Comment by ANNAMARIA | October 2, 2009 | Reply

  3. Hello AnnaMaria…after four years you were still dating? Hmm…Let me tell you about men in their 20s…most of them aren’t very mature or even ready to settle down. It’s something in the hormones or something. It’s a miracle when I see any modern couples who survive who met in their 20s…I guess I am pessimistic…

    I hope you’re doing better…


    Comment by Enrique S. | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  4. Well I’ve tried everything else so why not this….ok so I broke up with my boyfriend early July. We had been friends almost a year and had been dating like 5 months. He was my first boyfriend, the first guy I ever kissed, and my first in the most physical sense of the word. I was 16 then and 17 now. He was 19 then, and turned 20 in August….even though I broke up with him I haven’t been able to get over him. It hurts to think of him with anyone else and it’s hard trying to be his friend now. I don’t have any real close friends now for many reasons, the ones I have I don’t feel comfortable talking about my feelings with, and there aren’t any other guys that like me so I don’t have much of anything to distract me from this or anything to move onto….
    Any advice?

    Comment by Eden | October 7, 2009 | Reply

  5. I am 46 and had been dating this incredible woman for the past month and a half (yes I know it wasn’t that long)
    We spent as much time as possible together and quickly fell madly in love and truly enjoyed everythig we did; from sex to antiquing (yes I get it, no jokes please about sex with me being antiquing).
    Anyways we just spent the long weekend away and it was by far the most loving, romantic and connecting time of my life with any other human being. Nothing could have been better. It was perfect.
    Our 3 hour drive back home on Sunday was filled conversations of future plans, promises, stories and shared secrets. It was emotionally incredible. I dropped her off at her home, and of course texted her all the way home to mine. Finally saying goodnight on the phone. Wow, pure bliss.
    Monday she dumped me via email and got engaged to her ex.

    To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was crushed. She wouldn’t talk to me on the phone or see me. He email simply explained that she thought I was a wonderful guy, blah, blah, blah but she could no longer ignore her feelings for Brad.
    I, of course, had no idea what to do, or how to react.
    On Wednesday, through a text, I found out that not only were they back together, but were in fact engaged.

    Anyways, it is now Friday, it still stings, but I am slowly getting over it by telling myself that she pbviously didn’t mean what she was saying and that she was just waiting for Brad to propose or for something to make him make a comittment. Either way, my deep sadness is almost completely turned to anger. I am just mad now at what she did.
    And funny enough, I feel very sorry for her for going back to that abusive controlling manipulative jerk who hasn’t changed is obviously proposed to get her back. JESUS a blind man could see that!

    Comment by Danny T | July 9, 2010 | Reply

  6. when its over theres no point mopping over someone who isnt there already..get past the unhappiness you soon will find someone who is better than your ex.

    Comment by betsygirl | November 16, 2010 | Reply

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